For Better or Woof

Andy stared down the aisle, trying to distract himself by inventing new lyrics to “Here Comes the Bride.” Several months earlier, Andy’s cousin, Julia, had asked him to serve as the ringbearer at her wedding. Well, that wasn’t quite true. She’d asked him to be the bearer of the ringbearer. The actual ringbearer was Julia’s dog, Mr. Fluff.

Now, Andy found himself at the fanciest wedding he’d ever seen, holding the leash of a living, breathing wrecking ball. One hundred guests sat in white folding chairs facing a lake filled with real swans. The groomsmen waited in sleek suits on a stage built right over the water. To the left was a big white tent where the reception was set up with a towering cake, china, and burning candles. Everywhere Andy looked, he saw opportunities for disaster.

Just don’t ruin the wedding, he told himself.

The wedding coordinator tapped Andy on the shoulder. He took a deep breath and stepped into the aisle. The guests awwwed at the waggly dog with a pillow and rings strapped to his back. Mom, who was the wedding photographer, snapped picture after picture of Mr. Fluff with his tongue sticking out and of Andy with the world’s most forced smile plastered to his face.

Andy gripped Mr. Fluff’s leash so tightly that he dug fingernail prints into his palm. Twenty more steps.

Ten.

Five.

Finally, Mr. Fluff delivered the rings to the best man. With his mission accomplished, Andy walked Mr. Fluff to the very end of the front row next to his family and tied the leash to the leg of his chair. Mr. Fluff settled onto the ground with his head between his paws. Eva offered her brother a fist bump, and Andy finally relaxed.

But his relief only lasted for two minutes.

Once Julia made it down the aisle, Pastor Pete invited everyone to sit. “Welcome to this sacred ceremony that binds two lives together in marriage,” he said.

“Honk!”

A swan standing on shore chose that moment to announce her presence. Everyone laughed except for Andy. He didn’t like the way the swan was glaring at Mr. Fluff.

“There are two audiences here today,” Pastor Pete continued.

Andy waited for the swan to retreat. The swan did not retreat. Instead, she bobbed her head and honked again. Mr. Fluff wagged his tail.

“There’s the human audience. Many people traveled hundreds of miles to be with us.”

Mr. Fluff sat up and muttered a “woof” under his breath. He wasn’t going to let this bird ruin Julia’s wedding either.

“But there’s also a heavenly audience. I’m speaking of the Lord God.”

Everyone focused on Pastor Pete’s words except for Andy—he was too busy trying to prevent war. Andy waved his arm at the swan, hoping to “shoo” her away. The swan responded by spreading her wings and hissing. Then she took two steps toward Mr. Fluff. That’s when Andy spotted the baby swans behind her.

“Today, you are making a covenant in the sight of God—a promise to remain united until death do you part.”

Mr. Fluff growled. Andy petted the dog.

“Your earthly audience will leave in a few hours to go back to their normal lives, but your heavenly audience will be with you always. With that in mind, let’s pray.”

The swan continued waddling toward Mr. Fluff—slowly at first but gaining speed with each step. For now, Andy was the only one who noticed, but that would change in seconds if he didn’t act soon.

Now or never.

When heads bowed, Andy hopped out of his seat to scare the swan away. Mr. Fluff took that as his sign to sprint toward the swan. Unfortunately, his leash was still tied to Andy’s chair.

The chair slammed into Andy, knocking him over. This threw Mr. Fluff into a wild panic. The dog could not understand why the chair was chasing him, but he was determined to outrun it. He zigzagged his way toward the pavilion, dragging the chair behind him.

“No!” Andy cried.

CRASH!

Mr. Fluff toppled a table . . .

SPLASH!

. . . Overturned the beverage station . . .

SMASH!

. . . And destroyed the cake.

Art by David Leonard

“Mr. Fluff!” Julia called.

The dog turned and bounded toward his owner. Every person at the wedding could see what was coming next. Mr. Fluff was about to knock the bride into the lake.

“AHHHH!” everyone screamed.

Six people stepped in front of Julia to protect her. The good news was that they stopped the dog before he could crash into the bride. The bad news was that three of them got knocked into the lake themselves.

Including the best man.

Who still happened to be holding the rings.

It took a half hour for the chaos to settle enough for Pastor Pete to finish the ceremony. After that, guests split between searching the lake for the rings and cleaning the pavilion.

Mom found Andy moping on the shore. “Can I show you something?”

“What?” Andy asked. “You got a picture of me ruining the wedding?”

“Look.” Mom pulled up a picture on her camera of Julia and her new husband grinning at each other. Then another picture of them holding hands and another of them giggling.

“Doesn’t look like their day is ruined,” Mom said.

Andy simply pointed to the guests wading through the lake in their dress clothes, and then to Dad trying to wipe frosting off Mr. Fluff.

“None of that matters,” Mom said. “Did you hear Pastor Pete? Marriage is a promise to God. A wedding isn’t about cakes or dresses or even rings. It’s about two people joining their lives. That’s what happened today. I mean, a lot happened today. But that was the most important.”

They laughed, watching Mr. Fluff spin in circles, trying to lick frosting off his back.

Just then, the bride and groom walked up. Julia helped her cousin to his feet and gave him a big hug.

“I’m so sorry,” Andy said.

“Don’t be,” Julia replied. She turned toward her husband and smiled. “This day was still amazing.”

“No way!” one of the guests shouted from the lake. “I found the rings!”

“Woo-hoo!” everyone cheered.

“Well, what do you know,” said Mom, tussling Andy’s hair. “It’s a happily ever after, after all.”