Intentional Grandparenting

We looked around and saw so many friends enjoying their retirement with newfound freedom and joy. Now that the kids were out of the house, friends were traveling the world—perhaps “cruising the world” would be more exact. The Caribbean or Mediterranean Sea were common destinations. Some headed north for a fabulous Alaskan getaway. Maybe we would get on board one day too.

Some friends were looking into retirement homes in warmer climates. The lure of the beach or a golfing community had us checking into similar options for ourselves. But while dreaming about how to finish out our lives, we never realized the Bible had so much to say about it.

A Christian Heritage

I grew up in a home where my parents were the primary teachers of spiritual truth to me and my siblings. We had family devotions every day. We memorized Scripture passages together. Church attendance was never optional. And more than all of these disciplines, my mom and dad lived what it meant to be Christ followers. Clearly my parents were the primary influencers of spiritual formation for me. Today, parents still remain the number one authority in the life of a child, providing instruction on how to live biblically and modeling a Christian lifestyle.

I grew up in a home where my parents were the primary teachers of spiritual truth to me and my siblings.

For many years, the church was seen as second to parents in teaching spiritual truth to children. A “good Christian family” would make sure their kids were in Sunday school every Sunday. But today, researchers tell us the paradigm has shifted. Parents’ church attendance, and therefore their kids’ attendance, is so sporadic that grandparents have become the second most important influencer in a child’s life.1 If we hold such a coveted position, are there instructions in the Bible to help us be effective as grandparents?

Discipling Grandchildren

It’s interesting that Scripture responds with a resounding “yes!” Deuteronomy 4:9 is one of the first references with instruction for grandparents. Moses was addressing the children of Israel on how to “do life” once they entered the promised land. He began with a sharp warning: “Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life.” In other words, take personal inventory first to ensure that you are in a proper relationship with the Lord your God, then “Make them known to your children and your children’s children.” A national leader in grandparenting ministry, Dr. Josh Mulvihill comments that God wants us to think “multigenerationally” when it comes to raising children.2

Psalm 78 is another historical narrative about God’s leading the children of Israel. Verses 4–8 review again the importance of one generation rehearsing the “glorious deeds of the Lord, about his power and his mighty wonders” to the next generation and the next generation, “even the children not yet born [so] they in turn will teach their own children” (NLT)! It’s a chain reaction over four generations. I may be blessed enough to see great-grandchildren with my own eyes, but I will be long gone by the time the fourth generation appears, which means I have my window of opportunity for a limited time and then my progeny must pick up the baton and run with it.

I have had several years of “marinating” in these principles and now understand that God wants me to fill the same role. God wants spiritual truth and stories of his faithfulness to be passed down from generation to generation in the Carter family. It is his most effective mechanism for helping our offspring know Jesus. Our role as grandparents is not just to have fun with our grands. It is not just to be encouragers to them. It is not just to be available babysitters. All of those things are very good, but most importantly, we have the crucial responsibility to pass along our heritage of faith to them as well. My husband and I want to be obedient to what God has instructed in his Word. We have 13 grandkids. Our job is cut out for us!

Important Considerations

Here are four observations to get started with intentional grandparenting.

1. It’s really important to clarify the goals of your grandparenting. If you are going to focus on a spiritual mission in the lives of your grands, what is that mission? I have identified two that motivate my grandparenting. First and most importantly, my prayer is that my grandchildren will all be in heaven with me one day. That means they need to have heard that Jesus is their Rescuer from sin. They need to have heard the gospel. One of the best starting places is to share your faith journey with your grandkids . . . yes, even more than once, in various ways. I dare say this won’t happen if you don’t look for opportunities to make it happen. Most importantly, we know that the Holy Spirit must work in their lives for their redemption.

   My second goal is that my grandchildren know that God’s Word is completely true and thus is authoritative and applicable to all areas of their lives. This is not easily caught through one big sermon. I prefer the “here a little, there a little” approach. I find that a small comment here and a little word there as you do life together is much more effective.

2. Make sure you are intentional while the “clay is soft.” You will have more opportunities to teach spiritual truth to your grands while they are preschoolers and elementary students than after they are grown adults. For years, our eldest granddaughter went to bed with her parents singing “Jesus Loves Me” to her. When we would babysit her, the same was expected of us. I remember she always wanted me to sing “he who died,” referring to the second verse. And every time I ended our bedtime lullaby by saying, “That is a very wonderful thought to fall asleep on.” It is, isn’t it?

   Jesus loves me—he who died,
   Heaven’s gate to open wide;
   He will wash away my sin,
   Let his little child come in.

   She is one of three grandchildren in college now. My guess is “he who died” is pressed pretty deeply into her mix of Bible knowledge today because of that bedtime routine when the clay was soft. My observation is that by the time our grands are in college, their worldviews are much more firmly formed. Yes, you can still have impactful, stimulating discussions, but the “clay” has now hardened, and the formation of a Biblical worldview comes with greater effort and cost.

3. Don’t expect that intentionally teaching spiritual truth to your grandchildren will necessarily come naturally and easily. Satan, our enemy and crafty deceiver is on the prowl. He wants nothing more than to foil your attempts to guide your grandchildren toward building a Biblical worldview. I had every intention this last Christmas of somehow sharing my salvation story with the grandchildren while the family gathered for the holidays. I had prayed earnestly that this might happen, but there never seemed be a break in the action where it would meaningfully fit. If that happens to you, don’t get discouraged. Perhaps next time a one-on-one conversation will work better. Plan for it. Pray for it. Stay strong against the enemy’s strategies.

4. I have had grandparents comment that it’s hard to weave spiritual conversation into visits with the grandkids. Here is a suggestion that creates an easy segue that you might try. Remember that any activity or project involving creation is a golden opportunity. Romans 1:19–20 indicates that God has made the truth about himself obvious: “For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God” (Romans 1:20 NLT). Whether you are looking at the stars in the sky at night or are waiting for a monarch chrysalis to open into a butterfly, design by the Creator God is obvious. Talk about it! Don’t stop short and just enjoy the view. We have asked the grands so many times when there is evidence of design, “What does that mean, kids?” And they all respond, “That there is a Designer!” And who is that Designer? No one less than the Creator God himself! Be intentional to extend the discussion and use the teaching moment to talk about God. By the way, the tool of design pointing to God works well with our grandson who is a college senior as well. My husband loves to discuss his computer classes with him and uses them to tie design/Designer conversation into the mix.

5. Cover your children (the middle generation) and your grandkids with regular prayer.

   Cover your children (the middle generation) and your grandkids with regular prayer. The paths that our grandchildren take are not up to us, but begging God for his supervision over the spiritual journey of our grandkids is a sweet privilege that is ours. Pray that your grandchildren will embrace the Bible as authoritative and trustworthy. Doing so will give them a solid foundation for navigating young adult years in a culture that is fluid and opposed to Christian faith. Pray that the Lord will be real to them. Pray that sin will be so abhorrent to them that they will flee from it. Pray that they will see themselves as beautiful image-bearers of the Creator God within the genders assigned to them at birth. And after you have done all this, release your concerns and worries to the Lord in exchange for his peace. Philippians 4:6–7 is a most wonderful description of contentedness that comes as a result of deep and steady prayer. If your grandkids have a praying grandpa and grandma, they have a treasure beyond words.

I have often wondered how my children and grandchildren will remember me when my journey with them is over. Will I be remembered for building Lego sets, playing competitive games of Uno, spending overnights at the cabin, or baking cookies with them at Christmas? All these things are great, but do they have spiritual significance on their own? Several years ago, our grandson paid us the greatest compliment we could ever be given—he thanked us for being “rock solid” when it came to Christian faith. With shifting sand everywhere, our grands need to see rock-solid grandparents. Josh Mulvihill cheers on all Christian grandparents with these words: “God designed grandparents as disciple-makers for the purpose of passing on a heritage of faith to future generations. May you pursue this task with much delight!”3 That’s intentional grandparenting!